Y U NO Desperate?

Oh Humon, I will never tire of your comics.

Y U NO Desperate? by Humon

Artist comment:

I’ve been subjected to quite a few guys (and some girls) who honestly believed the stereotype that chubby/fat girls are desperate and easy, and got quite angry when I didn’t respond to their flirting. 

Doesn’t matter if I liked them or not (or in the case of the girls, if I was lesbian), I should be happy someone showed an interest, dammit!

Jeeze! Who’s the desperate one?

I am fine

I seriously don’t. I don’t know what happened to me. To my life. To what’s gone on in my head. I don’t know where it happened and where it will go. It’s like being out in treacherous waters fighting to stay afloat in a paddle boat. I keep dumping buckets upon buckets of water back to the sea but it filters back in through the many holes and cracks I don’t have the ability to seal. Everyone is waving from the shore with the sun against their backs and the sand beneath their feet but I am alone with the storm and frigid waters. 

I am a mess, a complete fuckery of a person. Where the hell did I go? Was I ever really there to begin with? It feels like I am a wax shell made to resemble myself, I can’t quite move the same way and the world seems hazy and strange. Sometimes people notice little cracks in the wax where I am trying to break through but I am losing air and struggling to keep myself in check. 

They all think I am fine. The people around me. The people I speak to online. They assume I am okay, they assume what Brandon confessed to has long since left my mind. They assume I am always working through the mud and getting to dry land. So I am alright. I am fine. I forgot about his lie. It doesn’t bother me. I am not hurt. I am fine. Because you want me to be. I am fine. Because you have problems far greater then mine, I am fine. Because I have a roof over my head and food in my belly and I am as well as I can be;I am fine. 

But when you’re not around, when I don’t see your name at the bottom of the forum, I am not fine. I didn’t forget about his lie. It bothers me every day. I am hurt. I am not fine. 

What do I do? What do I do when the people I want to talk with the most seem so distant? Like they’re tiny islands yet to be discovered in undiscovered waters? When everyone turns their backs to you and laughs with everyone else, and you’re trying to jump in and be part of it. When you’re trying to wiggle through into a conversation and just feel part of something for one brief second. It’s like shouting “Fire!” in a crowded room and no one listens. 

What do I do? What do I do when the people I look up to can’t stand me so fiercely they cannot even take looking at me speak? What do I do when someone tells me they’re afraid to say something unkind so they’re blocking me? What do I do when all I can think is “Why don’t you just not be unkind?”. Am I really that bad? Am I really that horribly unpleasant to speak with?Who will I go to now? Who can I look up to? 

That moment when you realize you looked into a friendship more then the other person did and you feel so incredibly stupid and naive to ever think they would want to be your friend. 

Why won’t you see I need you? I need someone. Anyone. I need to feel okay. Just notice me begging for help. 

I feel so broken. Just a shell of a former self that was confident and happy and dare I say-witty as hell. I can’t remember the last time I felt completely well for a day. The cracks in my mind let in an ocean of monsters. I deal with it every day. For months now. Since the winter I’ve festered in my own mind, trying to get through the day with some sense of self left intact. It’s all a daze. Every day is just one big blur of activity I don’t recall being there for. Why can’t I be fine?

I am insecure. I am scared. I am hurt. I am not fine. I don’t know what to do. 

(Source: iamdrawberry)

Holy fuck dude

fuckyeahnightmares:

Anon submitted:

Missing Dog

I don’t know how scary this is, but it’s a true story that happened to my dad when he was young and I found it a bit creepy, especially since he seemed pretty reluctant to talk about it.

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